yawn. today is a so damn tired day man.
woke up at 7.30am and slack around till 10 plus at home
planned to meet christopher.
accompany him to lavender and renew his student pass.
it's like so damn fast larhs.
so thought of going there to vist my grandma too.
super duper miss her man!!~~
chatted with her for awhile.
& guess what, i saw my ''mum'' ( what the hell larhs)
we are just like stranger
i could just happily ignore her and so does she.
so maybe that is what i'm going to continue and do so.
although she is my legal mother, but so what?
i dun need someone like her to survive right?
glad that i'm so fortunate to had such a great dad now
i dun need a ridiculous mum like you,
people asked me, where is my mum?
but i could just jolly well say she's dead.
even though my dad would be leaving singapore and never come back
i would still depend on myself and not some kind of irresponsible mum.
who doesn't give a damn about her own child and yet step one big fcuk
in front of outsiders? sending your own daughter to gracehaven
& made up some fcuking reasons that i threaten my grandma using a pen knife?
OH please larhs. you could just make up this lies without blinking your eyes man.
it's such pathetic of me to have such a dreadful mum like you.
but nevermind, after all i'm glad i realised early.
actually, i dun really need money to get my happiness.
i'm not like you, who sees money more important than anything.
who love your own boyfriend money and throw away your pride.
i'm so much different from you.
i had more pride than you do. i will cherish my loved ones.
i would never abandon my own child just for money.
but you will, & thats our different.
without money, without you. i could still survive and it makes me realise that money couldn''t buy everything.
oh, anyway. today went to watch '' MURDERER''
it's so damn cock man...
the show is like SHIT~~ totally riduculous.
dunno what makes me wanted to watch that movie.
i was wondering, would a electric driller drill through a body?
i dun think so larhs. tempted to try it but afraid might got hurt.
what the fcuk! i'm not going to get myself anymore scars
hurted my bloody hand cause of HOT GLUE GUN.
dun wanna drill a hole through my hand. you bet i would cry man.
guess nobody is as stupid as me huh?
but nevermind, i'm just like my dad.
my dad told me that when he was young,
he wanted to find out why light bulb would give out light.
so he took out the bulb from the ceiling and place his hand there.
& guess what's next?
he on the bloody switch and got electricuted.
really is so WHAT THE HELL larhs.
but anyway, his cute man.
always love my dad.
WOW! guess what.
i was so damn bored that i was talking craps with christopher when on our way home.
LOLS~ suddenly JESUS came into my mind.
& was trying to imagine that we are dead and wanted to visit JESUS.
while waiting for train, i told him we need to wait for registration.
is like super craps larhs. furthermore,
i tried to imagine that i had long ''HU XU''
didn't expect i would turn out to look like a ''BA YI'' larhs.
just lack of my scarf. then i would wrap around my head.
LOLS! but after all today is such a crappy day. though only got the two of us.
writtern @11:27 PM
i'm out for homeleave again.
what a great job i'm doing right now.
hmms, had my N level chinese oral this afternoon.
it's like so damn difficult larhs.
guess there is a higher percentage to fail for my oral.
OOOOMMMMGGGG!!!!~~~~~~~~~
didn't even realise the whole day that actually,i'm sick.
what a day. it's been so long since i got sick.
i thought i might be kind of happy.
but i wasn't instead, i felt terrible.
& my uncle is so damn irritating larhs.
afraid of me getting H1N1. what the hell!
if it's so easy to get, i might strike TOTO now.
arghhh!~i'm just feeling so bad right now.
it really is a wrong timing siol.
hope i could get well soon.
anyway, big news man!!!
HE had a new girlfriend.
gosh! he is such a flirt. didn't realise that actually, he's with his classmate.
such a pathetic that he had to find someone in his class.
OH MY GOSH!
it really make me feel so disgusted by your nonsense larhs.
guess your current girlfriend is also blind like me.
but anyway, i would just wish you all the best.
guess you wont be long with her with your fcuked up face.
hanging on your fcuked up brain.
tata~~ enjoy with your girlfriend huh?
lets see how long you could maintain in.
OHHH!!! can't help it with my stupid flu.
what the hell! i dun care lorhs.
i would go out tomorrow no matter what.
writtern @9:16 PM
i still miss you although you dun miss me.
i still need you even though you could move on without me.
i still love you even though you dun spare a thought for me.
but all i hope is that you would be happy in the way you want it to be
in finding someone who would truely love you
and could get along with you.
i couldn't be with you anymore but it's fine with me.
cause i wanted to see you smile.
you had this special smile that always brighten my days.
never did i know that it would last so short.
but trust me, i really cherish it even though you dun.
when you told me your feeling fade, it really makes me fall
i'm completely weak even though i look like i'm strong.
although it's just a month but i'm getting so use to you.
of your exist but now with your absence,
i feel so low and weak.
CASSANDRA, what happen to you?
i thought you are strong?
i thought you could give up?
i'm so fcuking confuse in whatever i'm doing now.
i got to get out of these messy.
i hope i could stop my feelings.
i hope i could forget you.
but somewhere just stop me from doing that.
& i realise that actually, i dun wan to forget you.
2nd time of getting hurt this years.
i'm exhasted by all these.
it's killing me but i can't do a thing about it.
have you feel the sorrows and pain in your heart?
when you just feel like pulling it out?
when you feel that your heart is shrinking?
& you can't breathe.
this is what i feel now. it hurts.
even though how painful i am, you wont be there anymore.
so let the pain just feel fade away and be forgotten.
writtern @2:57 PM
hello. back to posting again.
hmms, currently bsy with my dnt coursework.
getting very frustrated with it.
so mafan. do this do that.
got quite a number of burns and cuts.
WHAT THE HELL!!!
my beautiful hand siol...
hmms, got a very shocking news from my EX boyfriend.
finally know the reason why he became like that.
due to feeling fade.
so ya lorhs. decided to let go for today onwards.
dun worry, i'm not sad neither do i bother.
cause all the fcuking sweet talks are just bullshit.
you promised this and that.
but i realise that you are just trying to kill your fcuking time.
so when you discharge, i'm just a rubbish to you.
please larhs. get the fcuk out of my life man.
you really suck the blood out of me.
thanks alot. i'm just a stupid dumb ass.
to believe in all this. should have took my dad's advice man.
wanted to find a lasting relationship?
HEY, suck my father's cock larhs.
talk all this fcuking bullshit man.
this type of sweet talk is my last time i gonna heard from guys.
i swear. you just let me drop into you fcuking trap.
so got to climb up again.
i might love you but trust me, i would soon get out of it.
i might be faithful but truth me, not you anymore.
all the effort i've made is just a fcuking waste of my time.
i used my heart and effort just to made the present for you,
ended up what i got is this?
COCK SIA.
i believe i would find a better guy than you.
who would treat me well and appreciate what i've done.
try your fcuking luck and find one for yourself.
i bet that you couldnt find either of it.
who would send you home and helped you when you quarrel with your friends.
who would spend time and make a fcuking thing for you.
you wasn't that lucky cause you wont appreciate it.
so just fcuk your ass off my life.
cause you are just a ungrateful dog to me.
i admit that i still love you, but i would soon erase you off my mind
cause keeping you a space would never benefit me.
you would only pollute my mind man.
HMMS, i've cool down right now. LOLS.
feeling so damn shuang larhs.
anw, today just realise that actually, there isnt true friends.
like i always say. even though how long you had been together.
it's nothing, but only shit.
years are nothing, cause they are just times that runs.
so what if i't's 8 or 10 years?
they would still betray you and ka your jiao wei.
it's their mouth and their life.
what they wanna say is their choice.
so let it be. true friends are hard to find- people always say
if they are meant to be your true friends, they would be.
you dun have to claim them as one.
people would change and they are fake.
cause they just wanna please people.
that why they choose to do that.
but actually, they dun appreciate.
only when they got stab on the back, then they know how painful it is when they do it to others.
as people always says '' what comes around goes around''
it's the fact what. so we dun have to make any effort for them
once or twice we could still forgive.
cause we are doing a good deed.
but when they dun take the chance,
ask them to fcuk the hell off from our life.
they would only pollute our mind and it would only distract you.
from all your studies and everything.
so whenever we wanted to find a friend.
think wisely. and ask yourself.
are they worthy? are they the one for you to claim as a good friend?
will they be there for you whenever you need them?
can they fufil what a friend need? honest, truthful and grateful?
so be wisely when choosing friends.
cause this world is realistic.
writtern @11:33 PM
came out from homeleave.
but have to return back tomorrow at 4pm.
WHAT THE HELL.
so bored lorhs. nothing to do.
so thought of blogging lorhs.
hais. he still wanna avoid me.
am i a MONSTER? why cant he just stop doing this?
i really dun understand siol.
had tried to put in effort in him, yet this is what happen.
broke up with him and now avoiding me?
thanks lerhs. i'm just like one bloody dog keep on msging you but no replys.
what is this? your feeling fade just say larhs,
does it necessary to do all this thing not?
i'm frustrated and dissappointed right now.
what is going on with you?
can you answer my question?
i wanna settle down.
not fooling around. can you just understand?
hais. i dunno larhs. think for yourself.
i didn't owe you anything.
neither do i owe you any living.
i just wanna PATCH!!!!
writtern @4:43 PM
this isn't what i want.
but i've broke up with him le. cant really find it stable with him anymore
i lied to him, by telling him my feeling fade le.
but i didn't. i knew it is hard to let go.
i love him, that why i had to let go.
you see the picture?
really is so frustrating to see him in this manner.
i know i cant be there for him.
& he also knew it that i couldn't do any help
so let nature takes it course barhs.
no point holding on anymore le.
RICHARD TAO CHEN HAO;
i'm so sorry for lying to you about it.
really hope that you would still move on without me
although i can't right now.
but i will still learn how to.
you successfully hold me up and also break me down.
got to award you a gold medal le.
you walked away suddenly and leave me alone.
so i had to cross my heart and make a break up.
i make the initative to cause i knew you can't say it.
i prove alot to me, and i dunno why it hurts me.
beginning, it wasn't like this.
i thought i could give up without leaving a tears.
but slowly as times goes by, i realise that actually,
i can't. maybe it's time to cool down.
thinking what you really want in your life.
i'm always worried about you.
but anytime you need me, i would be there for you.
writtern @12:52 PM
things had change alot.
real lot about him nowadays find it that we can't get along actually.
hais.didn't meet him today.maybe tomorrow but not long.
he can't give me the time i need.
have been thinking alot thru out the homeleave.reflected many things.
i've been asking myself, am i ready for that?
guess we really need time to cool ourselves out.
it's been stressing me out right now.
the burden is haunting me.
but yet he dun even bother about it.
WHAT THE FCUK is this?
it really hurts when i had to been through all this without knowing why.is it worth it not?
afraid of this, afraid of that.
while everything is just useless.
people tell me not to think so much.but how?
i'm a human being.i had a feeling.
if i got the choice.i wont have want to go thru all this.
he is stress. i understand.
but so do i!
if i dun care about you, i wont have bothered so much and ask you about it.
you said you can''t forget certain things.but what is that?
can't you just talk it out?it really is getting on my nerve.
you understand?
stop making this relationship so unstable can?
too many question that need you to answer.
but neither of it, you bothered to.what the hell!!!!~~~
thanks alot lerhs. for bring so much pain.
I REALLY DESERVE IT!!!
writtern @11:37 PM
hais. very stress these days.
dunno what happen to me. feeling so UNLUCKY siol.
anw, came out from hostel jiu some sort of quarrel with my boyfriend.
what the hell!!!!
feeling very worried. dun understand why after he discharge jiu like that.
ask him what happen, he dun wanna say.
what is this???
show me attitude when i didn't even do anything?
i really getting afraid. WHY?
what happen to you? did i do something wrong?
i really hope i could make it right this time.
i gave up on HIM just for you. yet this is what i get in return?
you said you will treasure me, yet now what are you doing to me?
hais. guess tomorrow cannot meet him le.
his meeting his friends. came out one week once, but yet you dun appreciate it.
really dunno what you are thinking lorhs.
i hate this part right here.
things is really getting out of hand.
i cant stand it anymore.
but yet you wasnt there for me..
i dun deserve all this, but now i'm suffering.
WHAT TO DO????
writtern @11:01 PM
