Wednesday, November 25, 2009
today wasn't a enjoying day with BI.
we quarrel as both of us had our own problem.
mine was about money issue.
was broke for this month starting from today.
as for BI, he might drop dorm.
cause of my fault.
i dunno whether who's fault it was.
but i think it was mine.
but when BI blowed off, his attitude had changed.
he's tone of voice and everything.
yes, he was angry.
but i couldn't get use to it.
he was so sweet and caring all along.
he tolerate whatever attitude i gave.
but today, i dunno what happen.
everything was different.
i felt weird.
BI said he was feeling normal, but i dun.
i almost said break.
because i wanted to see whether he still love me after how he treated me.
i used this break as a test.
but ended up, i failed to hide my emotions.
i cried out so loud. cause it hurts me.
i couldn't forget how he shouted me.
even though, he said he didn't.
but the tone is different from the past on how he treated me.
i was sorry for making so much burden to him.
if i had knew what BI was going through, maybe i wont had acted that way.
but today i had realise alot of things.
that i really can't let him go & it was hard to me to imagine what if he had left me one day.
i really hope that he will understand that when i am in a bad mood.
i needed to cool down.
because i wanted to prevent us from quarrelling.
and i dunno why when i get moody,
i can't voice anything out.
i wanted to speak up, to tell what is wrong with me.
but i couldn't!
i wanted to tell BI all my sorrows.
i wanted to hug him and cry.
but he was angry and i dun have the guts.
i'm helpless at that point of time.
but BI was angry with me.
i wanted to let him go, cause i was a different person when i fall.
BI dun understand it, and he talks in a mean manner.
every single words still flash through my mind.
it really hurts me. every word pierce through my heart.
sometimes i wonder, do i had some illness or what.
i wasn't myself. i wasn't
guess that wasn't me at all...
Labels: for what they want is to make you smile., never avoid someone you love
